| It's been a while since I've last logged on xanga. I find myself in a different world. So much has happened since I have stopped writing. My life changed so much compared to what I have written here on this blog. It's hard to believe that I was a naive girl that thought love could conquer anything. Well, I guess I was wrong. I'm no longer with Ian. We ended two years ago. I can't believe that it has been already two years. I have cried so much all because of this one guy but now I've realized that it's just part of life. We fall in love for the first time and than we move on. I moved to Irvine a couple of months after I have stopped writing on this blog. My life there was miserable. For the first time I had Ds and Fs. I was a failure. I never thought that it would come to the point where I was desperate for love. No matter how hard I tried to overcome the hurt that I had to endure after the breakup, I couldn't cover it. It was too much for me to bare. I was still in love with Ian. Even if it's been a long time since I have heard his voice, he really has impacted my life. I am no longer the Jenni that I was before. I'm Jennifer. An 18 year old girl that is getting ready to go to college. I now am residing in Houston, Texas and it took me a long time to adjust to a new place. I left my friends behind and made new ones. For a long time I wonder who I really was. I am still searching for the true person in me. After a year and months without Ian, I stopped falling in love and used people just for lust. When I really gave up, light came to me. I find myself with a friend that has always been there for me. Although I ignored his feelings for me, he never gave up on me. And when light came my way, I realized that he was the one just for me. It's a different love. No, it probably can't replace what I had before but this love has a realistic warmth to it. No matter what I am doing I find myself at ease when I see something that reminds me of him. Kiko is the name. Even if his name is eccentric, he has my heart. I am happy of where I am at. I might not live in the riches, and my life may not be full of fantasies like how I had left it here, but my eyes are now open. I love how he makes me feel. Never did I thought I would fall in love again. There is a lesson in life that I have learned: even if one breaks your heart, never give up because you'll never know when an angel will save you from that dark pool. I would probably not be the person that I am without Ian. He has given the experience in life. Believe. Even if we are not what we were before, my first love will exist here in this blog. My future is with the most wonderful person that I could have ever asked for. He kissed my tears away , showed me that there is more to life, and lastly put wings on me. I love you Kiko. Thank you for everything.
P.S. I don't know if I will ever write again. If I don't this is all that you need to know. Happiness is only a step away. Don't ever say never. You will never know..
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